GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
