absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
