Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
