he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
