I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
