I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
