My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
