i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm bleeding and have questions
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
