It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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