i jhust puked up my retainher.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
