Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
