dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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