Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He did a backflip because drugs
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
