He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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