Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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