Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
