Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
