Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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