I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
