the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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