you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
