I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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