Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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