Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
