An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
