I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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