So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
