You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
