Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
