You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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