All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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