I don't think brook has ever known best
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
