i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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