We got so high we made milksteak
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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