yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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