pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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