careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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