Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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