Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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