PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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