Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
