Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
