guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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