someone threw a dead crab at me
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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