I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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