I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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