Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
please don't ironically join a cult
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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