$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
