escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
