If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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